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Idiot's Guide to Making your Company Suck
Category: Business
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This is a list of top reasons why companies suck. Do these things and your company can suck too! We must all learn to contribute to our management's efforts to run our companies into the ground.

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1 .
Retain underperforming employees

If you get rid of employees who suck at their jobs, you will be giving away valuable assets your organization. So it's important to give these employees PLENTY of opportunities, while hiding their substandard achievements. When it starts becoming too obvious to the rest of the company that the individual is not up to par, simply change their title, responsibilies, or boss, and they will have the perfect cover for continuing their subpar efforts.
     
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2 .
You can't fail if you're not doing anything

If you have an employee who seems to make a lot of mistakes, you definitely want to keep him around. Problem is, you won't be able to do that for long if he keeps making mistakes. The simple answer to this problem is to put him into a position that either doesn't require him to do very much or requires him to do only unimportant things. Train him to stop volunteering for important activities; instead, have him start funneling problems in other peoples' directions. If he can't do that right away, have him start asking others for help in his area -- then, just like that, the next time a problem comes up, suddenly someone else can take responsibility because "they did it last time"!!
     
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3 .
Let quality employees leave

Once your overachieving, hard-working employees start to leave on their own, you know you're on the right track. But it's critical that you not show any desire for them to stay once they voice their dissatisfaction. Don't counter offer, don't do anything to make them change their minds. There is one exception to this, though, and that is that you will want to keep any above-average employee who will take on responsibilities of others without complaint and also not complain about sagging company morale.
     
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4 .
Make promises you can't or won't keep

Nothing brings morale down more than saying "Yeah right, like that will ever happen!"; But this will only happen if you can foster mistrust in you among your employees. Do this by promising to consider promotions, raises, outings, etc. and then either "being too busy" to follow through with them, or just flat out revoking them and blaming it on the higher-ups. Before you know it, your employees will successfully be saying "That'll never happen!"; with a roll of their eyes every time you say something fakingly positive!
     
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5 .
Promote unskilled people into management

Nothing inspires confidence like managers, directors, and the like, who are utterly devoid of skills in their areas of responsibility. Whether it's key decision-making done in groups, or key decision-making done alone behind big desks in big chairs in big offices, it's always best to make sure the most important decisions are made by those whose best skills are disappearing, finger-pointing, or putting their feet up. Only then can non-management staff develop that precious lack of hope that anyone is steering the ship at all!
     
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